I started drinking again.

The result of my reflection on American perfectionist culture.

Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash

Should I stop abstaining I would have yet another tick on my list that proved me a failure.

In October of 2019, I decided to take a week off drinking. That week lasted a little over 2 years. During that time, I experienced some of the most transforming situations of my life.

• I found myself in an abusive relationship (again).
• The pandemic.
• My dad got cancer.
• My aunts threatened to sue me. Twice.
• I (kind of) lived in Ireland.
• I moved (back) to France.
• My father died.
• My family excommunicated me.
• I fell into the most profound depression I’ve ever known.
• I changed my birth control from Mirena to the copper one.
• I got a dog from the Societé Protective des Animaux I named Soleil.

To say that sobriety hurt me during this more than trying time would be a lie. I tapped into a power source within me that I did not know existed. Life without alcohol changed me, inarguably, for the better. It also allowed me to challenge certain qualities that I inherited as an…